They’re Just Cookies

Ever worked in a company culture that goes to war on just about anything?

I encourage my coaching clients to bring “hot and now” topics to sessions in addition to their leadership development goals. I coach an HR leader who is tasked with leading the holiday party planning and implementation. She smiled as she told me her “hot and now” topic she wanted coaching around was what she dubbed, “The Cookie Wars.”

I love cookies so she had my attention immediately.

But “Wars?”

She unpacked the backstory. A senior leader inserted herself into the planning process. She wanted everyone to get a cookie as a party favor.

But not just any cookie.

A very specific kind of cookie baked by a friend . . . and with a special sticker on it.

Few if any committee members approved. And they let my client, who chairs the committee, know their thoughts.

“Who does she think she is?

“We don’t have the budget for that!

“Why does it have to be that cookie with that sticker from that bakery?”

Cookie wars indeed!

By the time our coaching session was over, we discovered three ways to create a “They’re Just Cookies” culture. We trust they’ll help you avoid the “Cookie Wars” and any other culture wars you face.

Rather than go to war, focus on your:

Beliefs

I asked the HR leader, “What do you know to be true about this situation?”

The realities she listed included:

First, the senior leader who’s excited about a specific cookie with a special sticker made by her preferred baker has influence with the owners.

Understanding your decision-making context is key. Every action has consequences, intended and unintended. Your opinion of the context is often irrelevant. The culture reality is what it is.

Second, the committee members may push her out front to represent their viewpoint. Then they may abandon her for the sake of their jobs if the consequences come back hot.

Or, they may not retreat. They may stand with her and battle in The Cookie Wars. She wasn’t convinced they would based on previous experiences. Regardless, who really wins in The Cookie Wars?

Your experiences inform your beliefs about the culture. You may wish they were different and yet must acknowledge the reality of the situation.

How will you know you’re transforming the culture to more positive if you’re unsure of where you are?

Rather than go to war, define your beliefs.

Boundaries

Differentiating yourself in a mutiny is job one for you as an HR leader like my client.

What does that mean?

I asked my client, “What can you do about this situation?”

Rather than go to war, say to yourself like she did:

“I’m the leader for a reason. The company trusts me to make good decisions. To know when to go to war, when it’s a battle, and when it’s just a skirmish is important.

“I’m the leader, but I’m not in control of all things holiday party. Will anyone ask where the cookies came from? Or, how much we paid for them?

“I’m the leader which means I can be the step-down transformer of culture. I can choose to de-escalate the differences about cookies, see it for what it is, declare my intention, and make good on my promises.”

Hear the setting of boundaries?

Smell the baking of emotional intelligence?

See the growth mindset bubbling up?

Rather than go to war, define your boundaries.

Best

Priorities are important as you create a positive work culture. You discover bright spots where you have traction to lead a culture transformation and give your time, energy, and attention right there. Culture conversions are strategy-driven and tactically implemented.

I asked the HR leader, “What’s most important for you and the company in this situation?”

She paused, then said with a smile, “You know, they’re just cookies.”

In the grand scheme of all things holiday party, what real difference will make it if everyone gets a very specific cookie with a sticker on it from this baker who’s friends with the senior leader?

You have to ask yourself, “Is this worth going to war over?”

Another way to ask that is, “What’s best for everyone?”

Remarkable HR leaders rise above the momentary urges to react. They choose a more mature, measured response. The difference rests in the leader’s ability to:

• Calmly take a breath.
• Consider potential outcomes.
• Create a best-case strategy.
• Consistently implement tactics.

Rather than go to war, define what’s best.

What’s your “hot and now” culture scenario that could lead to war?

Rather than go to war, focus on and define your:

• beliefs
• boundaries
• best

After all, they’re just cookies.